May 5, 2022 (reprint)
The Kingdom Journey
I’m a pretty good person. I don't need to be saved. I don’t need to be converted. I'm pretty happy the way things are. Once I get past this obstacle, then it will be clear sailing. Right? So why do I need to change?
One way is with white knuckles and gritted teeth method, yes. But another way is gratitude.
Gratitude? Are you crazy?
I spoke on the phone recently with an old friend and we recalled an incident about seven years ago. Nothing big but we clasped hands to dash across a busy road to get to the Red Robin. I doubted he would even remember. “That that was the last time I ran,” I told my friend. Seven years ago. And funny enough he remembered.
With each chunk of disease progression, I am forced to surrender my old life anew. And in my knee-jerk response I’d re-triple my efforts to hang on. But ironically when I take that road, I suffer even more than the very thing I am trying to avoid.
The gospel reading at church today was about ten lepers who were healed and told to go to the priests. Only one return to Jesus to give thanks. The other nine continued on their way, probably over joyed at being able to reclaim their old lives. They probably thought they didn’t need anything else. “Thanks, but we got this now’ probably was their thinking.
The Samaritan however, the least expected one, who didn’t know all the right rules and regulations went back to give thanks. He was willing to go against the grain of the others but he had to give thanks, he was so grateful, no matter what. I will take away your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh the Lord says.
My head knows gratitude opens the way to true transformation, but my heart is a little slow. Gratitude is the door greeter to a whole new existence. It can turn barely enough into plenty; black into grey; and stalemates into joyful actions.
But can I be grateful for having MS? Gratitude for tragedy is impossible without help from above. A sky dive into the unknown that challenges your very existence are never easy to swallow, never mind embrace, and can’t be done without His help.
But when I finally came to have no finger nails left and was open enough to allow God to re-create me, I sampled his His peace, His grace. When I let go, I was pushed into a deeper relationship with the divine than I had ever known and I began to trust deeper.
Without me at the helm, it left room to discover who I truly am. It meant I could develop a more meaningful relationship with God, with myself and consequently with others. I wasn’t near finished like I thought I was. I didn’t have to grind through, but it did mean I had to change. I had to embrace a new way to look at things, a new compass, a new way of life.
So, am I grateful for having MS? I am grateful for all has taught me. I am grateful that I have a heart of flesh because of it and grateful I have a new spirit that wants to know God more and be open to His unending graces.
Gratitude is by far the best choice. Yes, its been difficult not being able to dash across the street or anywhere for that matter, but its beats the heart of stone - the blame, resentment, and negativity that used to get me around.
So, if you're asking the heavens to change your circumstances maybe it's time to allow the circumstances to change you. And see what God can do with them.
A very blessed summer to everyone.
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